It was September 8, 2019, when I begin thinking about how my life was being consumed with guilt. At the beginning of the year, I released my new eBook, The Latter Reign: Kingdom Principles Preparing You for God’s Promise. I was so excited about preparing to experience the latter reign and I knew this book would change the lives of others. I allowed the enemy to overtake me with depression, anxiety and fear. Although, I know who God says I am and what He has planned for me is good, I became stuck in a place where I found it challenging to move forward. My mind was focused on the losses, the pain, the mistreatment, the lies and the failures in my life. I thought I had gotten over my past hurts, only to have them resurface. I was spending many days lying in bed, thinking about the awful things that happened to me. I also found it extremely difficult to proceed with my original plans for the year.
I couldn’t believe it, who me…Ms. Determined to Be Free?” I wasn’t free…I was lying to myself yet again. I doubted the promises of God. I cried, questioning God why? What’s wrong with me, why do I feel so alone, so lost, so broken? I wanted to know why. Instead of seeking answers in the Word of God, I chose to allow the devil to torture me…constantly reminding me of my past. I knew it wasn’t God because He loves me and His love conquers all fear, anxiety and depression. After suffering for months, I realized it was the devil, the deceiver, the liar who comes only to steal, kill and to destroy. He was robbing me of my plans. So, I asked God, what am I to learn from this experience? What is it that You want me to know? How can I help others overcome what I had gone through?
Because the Lord spoke to me on September 8, 2019, I desired to know more. I begin researching the number “9” and determined that it symbolizes completeness or finality. The number “8” on the other hand symbolizes new beginning, a new order. I heard the Lord clearly say; you have cried long enough, you have wallowed in your pity long enough! It is finished; your crying days are over…it’s final, completed. It’s time you begin a new order. I’m giving you a fresh start. He also said, I have given you ample opportunities to start over, to trust Me, to see the enemy for what he is…a liar and a deceiver. You said you were going to reign in these latter days, so get up and reign! Reigning carries a purpose and I can’t use you if you are going to continue crying and doubting Me. You can no longer walk in fear because fear is not from Me. You can’t have it both ways. Either you have faith in Me and the process or you fear the process…you decide.
Then I begin asking God to give me another opportunity to get it right. I begin asking for forgiveness and forgiveness for those who plotted against me, who said hurtful things to me and attempted to destroy my character. In addition, being so easily offended was another one of my struggles, so I prayed to be delivered from the spirit of offense. I understood that my life was a work in progress and I needed to get out of my emotions in order to move forward with God’s plan for my life. It was time to stop feeling sorry for myself, crying over spilled-milk and get past what was hindering me. More importantly, I needed to get delivered from myself, the self-sabotaging behavior was destroying me.
Getting over the failed marriages, days of being alone, crying until I fell off to sleep was now possible because the Lord never left my side as He had promised in Joshua 1:9. Although, I understand that God does not make mistakes, the process to wholeness can be extremely difficult. Everything I experienced was working together for my good. My pain is now being used to help others overcome theirs. Helping them to no longer look for validation or to worry about what others say about them, is what I am called to do. What God says is what really matters because you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
The devil will try everything he knows to keep you down, in fear and depressed. But, your way of thinking must change today. You must begin believing in yourself and what God has created you to be. He knows the plans He has for you, plans of good and not of evil. Always remember, you are amazing! So, use all of your wonderful gifts, talents and abilities to glorify God and your best days will be ahead of you.
I pray that strength, peace and perseverance will push you into your divine purpose. You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. :)